Traumatic Memories: Validate Your Feelings
Patricia Singleton of Spritiual Journey of a Lightworker has a very validating brief post on memories, self-doubt and disbelief among survivors of abuse. In this post, she highlights that memories will come to your conscious when you are ready to deal with them, and that the self-doubt many survivors have does not indicate that the memories are not real, but that the survivor is not ready to face their feelings.
Joke Lijnse, a Dutch psychologist specializing in dissociative disorders, writes that traumatic memories, unlike other memories, remain intact until they are recovered. Regular memories are distorted by our reconstructive capacity when recalling them, but traumatic memories, she says, come to your conscious unchanged. This does not mean they come to mind in full at once: many people experience flashbacks and memories that only have a certain component of the actual event to them, such as a smell, the perpetrator’s appearance, or an emotion experienced during the abuse. Now I am not certain what Lijnse’s opinion is based on, and have not looked for research that validates it, so I am not sure she is right.
However, in essence, it is not important whether your memories are 100% true, unless you are going to pursue legal action based on them. The things that are important, are the emotions you experience as you recover and process a traumatic memory and the way you cope with these feelings. Therefore, constant self-doubt and invalidation are not going to be productive. Rather, we need to be validated in our experiences and validate our own feelings. Memories may or may not be distorted, but you have to deal with them as they come to you in the present, not as you experienced them in the past.